beyond belief. i applied to 9 places in the US, five of which have sent me rejections and 4 of which i'm still waiting on. texas a&m was more of a backup since i already go here, auburn is nice but doesn't exactly have what i'm looking for research-wise (atmosphere is perfect tho), ucla is probably not going to accept me, and arizona state is the one that i wanted most but i have no clue what the verdict will be on that.
a few more options i have now - i can still apply for aero at cal poly san luis obispo, and most international universities continuously accept applications. i'm very interested in the earth and ocean sciences department at the national university of ireland, galway, so i'm working on my application there. i'll also be looking into a few more places overseas and maybe a few in the US as well. but now i'm not even too sure if grad school is what i'm supposed to be doing right now.
i suppose i could go straight for a job. i have the internship with company b this summer that could be turned into a job, but i can't stand the thought of living in waco permanently, or even for more than a summer. i could definitely see that working is if i got to transfer to california. then there's company a, which i love and would be happy working for them for a few years for sure.
but then there's the last option. what if i took time off for a while? time to go explore and just see things, live a different life, live a few different lives. spend a month or two in a different country each, working odd jobs or working at hostels everywhere. bartending at different bars/pubs/clubs/whatever they refer to them as in each country. or i could move to ireland, the land that feels like my home already, and spend a year or two just living somewhere different, starting over, leaving everything familiar.
see, i'm wondering if what i wanted is what i still want. i want to be an astronaut, yes, but at what cost? i could spend the next 20 years doing something i don't even enjoy, feeling lost and in the wrong direction, until i magically end up getting to go to space, and then after a few days it's all over and done. it would require either not having a family of my own or forcing my family to conform to my every move so that i can have a few days of dreamland. but what if i just live? i mean, how do i do that? how do i live off of just being happy, having good relationships, enjoying every day? i don't want to live 20 years in the future, always just waiting for the end result. i want to enjoy every moment of every day, and live in the present. so am i on the wrong path? what is the next step i should take? how do i decide and not make the wrong choice?
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